教堂的Family Life Ministry 举办了一个庆祝情人节的Talk, Dinner, & Dance 给已婚夫妇。由于是英文媒介语的, 延延的代父母便鼓励我们参加。原本我以为外子不会有兴趣的, 但却出乎意料的他答应了, 我们便请妹妹代为照顾孩子, 而二人就"盛装"出席了。
当天的Talk是由一对结了婚25年的夫妇Mr. & Mrs. Edward 分享由Dr. Gary Chapman 所说的The 5 Love Languages. 觉得很有趣, 特撰此文与大家分享之。
5 Love Languages:
1. Words of affirmation – Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
2. Acts of service – Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
3. Quality of time – In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
4. Receiving Gifts – Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures.
5. Physical touch – This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
("The 5 Love Languages" is adapted from http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/ )
不同的人喜欢不同的love languages, 为此我们必须了解自己所要的love languages 与伴侣所要的love languages, 然后尽量满足彼此, 不然我们就会投诉伴侣不懂得爱我们了。
Mr. & Mrs. Edward 让我们做了一个小exercise:
1. Write down, for each other, up to twelve specific occasions through which you have known your partner’s love for you.
2. Taking into consideration your answers to Q1, put the 5 ways of showing love (5 Love Languages) in order of importance for you, where “1” is the most important and “5” is the least important. Then consider in which order of importance you think they come for your partner.
3. Now compare and discuss with your husband or wife what each of you put for Q1 and Q2.
4. Looking at your spouse’s first “love language” (i.e. the most important), list 3 ways in which you could communicate love to your husband or wife this week or month or even tonight during the dinner.
结果我都猜对了外子的love languages反而他都搞错了我的, 难怪我常爱投诉他, 哈！姑无论如何, 我与外子都觉得从这次的Talk中收获良多。后来我们还过了个很温馨的Dinner and Dance 呢！
Mr. & Mrs. Edward也鼓励我们常给彼此写love letter, 可是外子不会看中文。记得若干年前我曾在blog中写过感激外子的爱一文 http://drkangsh.blogspot.com/2009/05/blog-post_19.html, 可惜他不会看, 就待有机会时他的孩子念给他听好了！
与外子在Langkawi时的合照
